Be Cordial To Neighbors Who Bug You? Or ‘Go Lower’? [Block Talk]

Find out what's happening in Across Americawith free, real-time updates from Patch.

“Talk to them calmly like an adult, even if they are a teenager, like I had to do when his friends were drinking and tossing their empty beer bottles on my lawn,” Bill said. “I told my neighbor I didn’t mind him having his friends over but nicely asked him to ask his friends to not throw their empties on my lawn. He did, they did, problem solved and we’ve lived peacefully side by side for over 30 years.”

Mrs. Johnson, a Burlington (Massachusetts) Patch reader, agreed that things can usually be worked out among people who have taken the time to get to know each other.

“I make a point to talk to all my neighbors to establish a friendly relationship with them. I give them extra vegetables from my garden, holiday cards, stop and chat when outside,” Mrs. Johnson said. “This relationship is important because if I need to ask them to stop doing something, they are more inclined to do so and vice versa if I am doing something that irks them. Always be kind when speaking to them.”

Even if there’s no problem, it’s a good idea for neighbors to collect each other’s cellphone numbers so they can be used in an emergency, Mrs. Johnson said, adding that it is “very helpful to have someone look out for you and you look out for them.”

Learn to read the neighborhood, Patch reader Melon said.

“The good neighbors never need to be talked to or about because they are good. The bad neighbor you just can’t talk to,” Melon said. “Every neighborhood seems to have one and they just don’t care. If they did care, they would not need discussions.”

Melon follows the Golden Rule. “Do as you wish others would do. Be the example and hope it catches on. The good example, not the ‘barking dog, overgrown weeds, garbage everywhere, cats in the garden’ neighbor.”

‘Sometimes Works, Sometimes Not’

Patch reader Joe said it is good policy for people to get to know their neighbors when they move into a new area.

“We typically will do a face-to-face-intro and will let them know we will have a little neighbor gathering at our home once we’re settled in,” he said.

Whether that helps is up for debate, Joe said.

“I don’t have any way of knowing whether this helps since we’ve still had issues with some neighbors — trashy yards, no maintenance on house even when you know they can afford it, lack of pet control, etc.,” he said.

In those cases, handle the issue via text message, said Nancy, a White Lake-Highland (Michigan) Patch reader.

“The people next door moved in and bought a bunch of fowl without any fencing. When they finally got fencing, it was flimsy and the coyotes had a field day,” Nancy said. “They got a Great Pyrenees for the coyotes, but they threw the puppy in the chicken ‘pen’ without socializing her. The dog roamed the neighborhood barking under windows all night. They got a GPS collar for the dog that doesn’t often work.

“The chickens still visit, the dog digs up our compost and barks at us in our yard, and we text monthly that it would be nice if the neighbors would address the issues,” Nancy said, adding it “sometimes works, sometimes not.”

“Usually we start by making a comment with a little bit of humor,” said New Rochelle (New York) Patch reader Maddy B. She also makes it a point to learn her neighbors’ names and say hello when she encounters them.

“Welcoming new people to the neighborhood and exchanging texts in case of neighborhood situations can be both good and bad,” she said.

Nancy advises ignoring the problem unless it’s dangerous or leads to “losing sleep or property.”

“In our case, we couldn’t walk our puppy without their dog charging at him, lost sleep, and had to replace fencing around the compost bin,” she said.

Bridgewater (New Jersey) Patch reader Good Neighbor also thinks block parties and garage sales are good opportunities to meet and strengthen relationships with neighbors.

Expecting to be on solid ground because of that, Good Neighbor called and “politely asked” the neighbors to bring their dog inside after it “had been barking incessantly for over eight hours.”

“After being told it was my problem, not theirs, I told them I would just call the police in the future,” the reader said. “Sadly there are some neighbors who only do the right thing when faced with legal penalties.”

John, who reads Morris Hills-Morris Plains Patch and Randolph Patch, both in New Jersey, agrees that having a cordial one-on-one conversation is the best approach, but acknowledged, “that doesn’t always work, as in my case.”

“If your neighbor does not want to listen, you may have to go to other legal means,” John said.

Brick (New Jersey) Patch reader Bill is already there.

“My neighbor cut branches from a tree on my property well past the property line. I simply told him the next time he did this I would file complaints against him for trespass and malicious mischief,” Bill said. “I haven’t spoken to him since.”

A Summons For Your Trouble

The threat of calling authorities cuts both ways.

Riverside-Brookfield (Illinois) Patch reader Rob said he got a visit from the police after trying to be a good neighbor. On four occasions over the past three years, the neighbors’s garage door has been open with no car inside for hours at a time, leaving their home vulnerable.

In all, he sent four text messages to the neighbors alerting them to the situation. The last time, he knocked on their front door, and rang their Ring doorbell. Receiving no answer, he sent a text to the neighbors saying he was going to close their garage door.

“Three weeks after that last text, we were awakened by a police officer knocking on our door at 11:30 p.m.,” Rob said. “The neighbors had … filed a complaint against me for harassing them with ‘your garage door is open’ text messages.”

Rob said police advised him not to confront his neighbors, “and if I ever had an urge to do something to help them that I call the police and have them take care of it.”

“Somehow I don’t see the cops coming over with snow shovels when I no longer shovel snow from behind the neighbor’s garage, pick up trash that spills into the alley from their trash can, or move their trash can out of the way when the wind blows it into the alley,” Rob said. “But I am following the police officers’ suggestions.”

Rob now avoids his neighbors.

“I just turn my back and avoid looking in their direction any time I am aware they are nearby,” he said.

Across America Patch reader Princess understands that.

“Suck it up and respect them,” Princess said. “Don’t be like my neighbor who calls the police for anything”

Two Glastonbury (Connecticut) Patch readers had suggestions.

“Perhaps discuss with other neighbors and maybe it’ll get back to the culprit,” one reader said.

“Mail a letter to the corresponding town department about the disturbances,” the other person said.

‘When They Go Low, I Go Lower’

Gilroy (California) Patch reader Kat has a checklist for dealing with neighbors with habits that bug her: “Try to talk to the neighbor first; try writing to them next; try to negotiate; keep a log with dates and times of what is driving you crazy; ask other neighbors if they are also suffering, and as a last resort, report their behavior to animal control.”

When she thought her neighbor’s mother cat and three kittens were being neglected, she wrote a letter that went unanswered and later taped a note to their door telling them “how heartbreaking it was that their cats were neglected, living out in the yard in the rain and cold and starving for food.”

“The cats were coming to my yard and pressing their faces up against my windows in the rain,” Kat explained. “They also have dogs that barked non-stop for eight to 12 hours a day right next to our bedroom and family room. The neighbor sent their two young daughters to come over and talk to us. I ended up adopting the cats.”

Evanston (Illinois) Patch reader Tea is “sick of having to appease those neighbors who are jerks and know they are jerks,”

“When they go low,” Tea said, “I go lower!”

Tea explained the problem: “Living in a condo with a management company who act like it’s your landlord, with support from that one bossy board member, is intolerable. Just be respectful of others and stop the need for superiority over others. We are not all built the same. If we were, life would be boring.”

“I don’t,” Abingdon (Virginia) Patch reader Ang said in answer to the question about how to talk to neighbors about their annoying behavior. “My neighbor’s an a – – hole.”

Her best strategy? “Pray they move.”

A Cumberland (Rhode Island) Patch reader keeps it simple, too, and drops a note on the neighbor’s mailbox. Interactions are sparse — a wave to say hello, “but that is all,” the reader said.

Can Anyone Help Marilyn?

Across America Patch reader Marilyn said her neighbors are great and don’t bug her. But what’s going on at her place should bug them and she wants them to complain.

“I wish they would talk to my husband, though, about cleaning up our own yard, helping me pull weeds and trimming shrubs (front, back and both sides of the house), fixing the front porch (falling apart — not only unsightly but also dangerous), etc., etc. et cetera!” Marilyn said, adding she’s been shouldering outside work alone. “He refuses to pull even one weed, even the day after a nice rain when the ground is soft, which makes weeding easier.”

Marilyn also had a list of complaints about the people she’s hired to pick up her husband’s slack. She would be the first to admit it’s not pretty. They’re wearing on her last nerve.

“Knowing full well [this all] sounds petty, the reader needs to understand this account is only a very, very small part of the lack of maintenance season after season, year after year,” she said. “I want to sell this property, but he says no and will not listen to reason from me or anyone else. It is not like this residence has any historical significance, nor is it his ancestral home.”

Click Here: kilkenny gaa jerseys

Marilyn apologized for going off-topic and not answering the question.

“Thank you, Patch, for allowing your site to let me vent some frustration,” she said.

You’re welcome, Marilyn. We feel ’ya.

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “Block Talk” as the subject line.

Catch up on Block Talk

Get more local news delivered straight to your inbox.Fri, Sep 20, 2024 at 3:58 pm ET|Updated Fri, Sep 20, 2024 at 4:33 pm ET