ACROSS AMERICA — Bill’s neighbors didn’t have to appeal to him to take down his bird feeders. Bears sent a clear message.
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“Two bears together in late January — twice within a week’s time, both caught on video — pulled all my feeders down and convinced me to give up on feeders,” the Chatham (New Jersey) Patch reader said in response to our informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column.
Bill said his decision to let birds fend for themselves was sealed after learning that setting up feeding stations for birds can also draw mice.
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“I’m a Carl Spackler-like mice hater,” Bill said. If you need a cultural reference, Spackler is the gopher-bedeviled groundskeeper Bill Murray played in ‘Caddyshack,’ and this Bill’s parody is excellent.
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself,” Bill said. “I have to learn to think like an animal and, whenever possible, to look like one — licensed to kill mice by the government of the United Nations.
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“A man free to kill mice at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is the varmint. And the varmint will never quit — ever. … So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote.”
He drew some analogies with enemies in long-ago foreign wars, but we’ll let Bill speak for himself on that. He may be found around Chatham trying to outsmart the mice.
Again paraphrasing the hapless Carl Spackler, Bill said, “In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, mouses.’ ”
You’re the bomb, Bill.
“I have had to spend a lot of money on extermination methods in and around my house. It’s not OK, because I can’t afford it.”
— Massachusetts Patch reader Sam
Woodbury (Minnesota) Patch reader Stormy also “had to stop feeding the birds.”
“I saw a RAT under it!” Stormy said. “It came from my neighbor’s farm. She has livestock and was having an issue with rats.”
Danvers (Massachusetts) Patch reader Sam wishes his neighbor would be more like Stormy, and Bill, too — at least to the extent that Bill took down the bird feeders without having to be asked.
“I have asked my neighbor very politely several times to move her feeder or stop altogether,” Sam said. “It is right on the property line and it is causing problems attracting so many different species of animals. I have had to spend a lot of money on extermination methods in and around my house.”
He added, “It’s not OK because I can’t afford it.”
“… Our neighbors and I got inundated with pigeons who sat on our roofs and pooped all over the cars and driveways! We can’t take it anymore …”
— Massachusetts Patch reader Patricia
Milton (Massachusetts) Patch reader Patricia has reached her limit.
“My next-door neighbor has two bird feeders and a bird bath,” Patricia said. “Since he started feeding them two summers ago, we have had several rats and raccoons in our yard and our neighbors’ yards. Last year for the first time, our neighbors and I got inundated with pigeons who sat on our roofs and pooped all over the cars and driveways!
“We can’t take it anymore and plan to talk to him this spring,” Patricia said.
An Across America Patch reader identifying as the Disney character “Scrooge McDuck” feels Patricia’s pain.
“The squirrels are the winners at my neighbor’s feeder,” McDuck said. “He also throws out corncobs that end up in my yard once the squirrels have nibbled off the niblets. It’s OK. They compost.
“I hate the (expletive) bird (expletive), though,” McDuck said. “It’s like they eat over there and come over to my place to take a big dump.”
McDuck took a sarcastic tone, saying there is “so much bird poop” that “a bird flu epidemic wouldn’t be a terrible thing at this point in the winter.”
“Until [avian flu] is no longer a threat, it’s irresponsible for anyone to feed birds.”
— Virginia Patch reader George
Avian flu, of course, isn’t a joke.
“We have had avian flu outbreaks in native bird populations,” said Fairfax City (Virginia) Patch reader George. “Until that is no longer a threat, it’s irresponsible for anyone to feed birds.”
Patch reader Brianna has a different sort of issue, although she, too, noted that “the flyovers after feeding time are messy.” The bigger problem is birds that fly into her glass windows.
“Our home has large glass windows and we’ve seen a few ‘bird suicides,’ although I cannot say for certain they flew over from my neighbor’s backyard feeders,” Brianna said. “If I see them plunge to their death, it’s easy to clean up, but if I find a random dead bird, I always worry it could be from West Nile virus.”
A reader who assumed the persona of “Fredo the Cat” and claims to read “only the most purr-fect” Patch local news sites, is worried.
“They have about a dozen bird feeders dangling from trees and shepherd hook, and it’s a playground for me,” the alleged cat wrote. “I slipped out and killed a bird and they threatened my people that if I killed another bird, I might not be coming home.”
Sara, a Bensalem (Pennsylvania) Patch reader, said feral and outdoor cats in her neighborhood treat the area around bird feeders as “killing fields.”
“I do not like birds and freak out like I’m caught in that Hitchcock movie when too many of them are in the same place,” Sara said, referencing the Alfred Hitchcock classic, “The Birds.”
“I don’t exactly cheer for the cats, but I don’t lose sleep over bird massacres, either,” she said, adding, “Circle of life.”
“People are the problem. We build on every available space and crowd out wildlife. We pollute and destroy the planet … ”
— Illinois Patch reader “Tweety”
A La Grange (Illinois) Patch reader using the name of the Looney Tunes character “Tweety” feeds and enjoys birds, but said they aren’t the problem.
“People are the problem,” Tweety said. “We build on every available space and crowd out wildlife. We pollute and destroy the planet. It’s a small way to give back.”
Tweety thinks more people should adopt the practice.
“The haters should stop complaining about natural things and learn to enjoy it,” Tweety said.
“I feed the birds and get a charge out of it when the squirrels and raccoons try to invade,” Minneapolis Patch reader Abby said. “I have gotten creative with my configuration to deter them. I hope my wildlife menagerie doesn’t cause problems for my neighbors, but am confident they would let me know if it did. So everything’s copacetic.”
Abby said installing bird feeders has given her a chance to see the “amazing bird diversity” in her state. “They brighten up drab winter days.”
“It seems to delight my neighbor to tell me about all the birds that show up at her feeders. Why would anyone want to take that away from someone?”
— Maryland Patch reader Max
Our initial story cited an account on social media from a person dealing with raccoons in the attic — a problem the person said only resulted when neighbors started feeding birds.
“I bet the person complaining lives in a house that is falling down and has all kinds of infestations and places raccoons can exploit and a back yard full of junk and garbage,” Sachem (New York) Patch reader Carla said.
“Feed them if it makes you happy. If you see a surge in wildlife and stray cats when you start feeding birds, it may be worth re-evaluating,” Carla said. “But neighbors shouldn’t go around blaming the bird people when they see a squirrel or raccoon. Rats are a different story.”
Bel Air (Maryland) Patch reader Max said his neighbor’s bird feeders don’t seem to attract unwanted vermin, and even if “a big, ol’ rat came onto my property or a raccoon got in my attic like the one person said,” he probably wouldn’t take it up with his neighbor.
How would he go about proving it, Max wondered.
“Without proof … it seems like it would cause a lot of problems for no resolution,” Max said. “If all of a sudden varmints show up, I’ll call the wildlife people to deal with it.”
Besides, Max said, “It seems to delight my neighbor to tell me about all the birds that show up at her feeders. Why would anyone want to take that away from someone?”
About Block Talk
Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like for us to consider, email [email protected] with “Block Talk” as the subject line.
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